| Blackwell Creek book club ponders secret of happiness |
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The happiest countries place a priority on relationships.By Kat Alikahnkalikahn@bigcanoenews.com 
Kat Alikahn
Weiner, an NPR correspondent, visited a number of countries to find out why some are purported to be happy and some unhappy. His volume about bliss is not a definitive analysis of the topic, but it did offer some good jumping off points for discussion. In essence, to be happy we need money, pleasure, spirituality, family, friends and chocolate. (In my book, the necessity of chocolate goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: Hershey’s Kisses.) A dozen girlfriends sitting in a circle discussing happiness is by definition a happy thing—a lazy, mid-week, mid-morning luxury that a lot of people can only dream about—and we know it. Harkening back to Psych 101 and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, we get to ponder superficial delights and deep meanings because our basic physiological needs are met. We are well fed (see ice cream sundae reference in first paragraph). We feel safe and secure in our homes. We have achieved a level of respect for ourselves and others. We love and we are loved. It was no surprise to read that a country’s happiness is not necessarily determined by its wealth. The United States, one of the richest countries in the world (though it doesn’t feel that way sometimes), ranks 23 on the happiest country list. Qatar, arguably one of the richest countries in the world, ranks near the bottom. India, with some of the poorest populations, ranks high. Per the author, Americans have a tendency to get caught up in a hedonic cycle of materialism, i.e., we buy something thinking it will increase our happiness and when the high of new-ness wears off we buy a bigger and better model of whatever to get another fix. At least that’s the rap. I don’t see this quality in my friends, my family or my own life. Maybe we’re focusing on living within retirement means or working on getting to retirement, or we’ve matured. In any case, it’s a good place to be. The happiest countries place a priority on relationships. Poor countries that are happy, like India, tend to focus on family and friends, but not necessarily on people outside their circle (which makes me sad). Being poor is—according to their religious beliefs—fated, so if they are poor “it is written” and they are not to blame. The Bible says that the poor will always be among us and I’ve seen that same fatalism among some Christians. Qatar sounds miserable in its gilded and air-conditioned opulence. Being an obscenely oil-rich nation, people don’t have jobs. Citizens receive a “salary” from the government. Their country lacks culture, according to our author, because they don’t have a history. And because they don’t work, they don’t derive the meaning from their lives that many of us find through our work or volunteer efforts. “What role does government have in contributing to our happiness?” I asked the gals. Many of us are not so happy with the government at the moment, but the question I meant to ask was whether there is one form of government that contributes most to individual and societal happiness. Some people can be quite happy in a benevolent dictatorship (or even one that is malevolent) because it takes away the overwhelming feeling of too many choices or of having to take action. A direct democracy, such as exists in Switzerland, has a high level of citizen participation in the legislative process because they value political self-determination. I like the idea of political self-determination, but have a hard time envisioning it in our country where it’s difficult to get folks out to vote in a presidential election, let alone for a local referendum. Our representative democracy isn’t perfect, but I’m grateful for it. Our book group concluded that happiness means something different to each of us, ranging from general contentment to spurts of elation. Holding a baby—preferably one that is fat, bald and roughly nine-months old—is happiness. Dancing and watching others dance is happy-making (That humans dance at all is a never-ending source of glee for me. Check out the Evolution of Dance video on YouTube). Doing for others makes us happy. Letting others do for us because we know it makes them happy makes us happy. Our group agreed that happiness is relational. This means not just relationships with individual people, but relationships to community, to nature, to God, and not least, the relationship we have with ourselves. Happiness is whatever lights us up inside. Weiner notes in his book that thinking about happiness is likely to diminish it. In writing this piece, I’ve had to think a lot about happiness which, therefore, has made me less happy. Add to that, it’s gorgeous outside, the birdies are beckoning and a walk in the verdant meadows at this moment would be glory. And it’s stressful to feel my Smoke Signals deadline looming. But any unhappiness I’ve experienced while contemplating and writing these words will be more than outweighed by the exultation I feel as I hit the SEND button and ship this column to Barb Schneider. Oh, joy! |
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